One day, during a therapy session I came to a realization that I had been holding onto feelings of guilt, shame, doubt, and regret. I had been hanging onto them for so long that I hardly noticed them anymore. I came to a point where I decided to face my fears and let them go. In that instant it seemed as though a moth came flying out of my body and I understood that the scary monster I called guilt was really just a tiny insect…a moth that had been eating away at me for years. I let my guilt and doubt take up residence in my heart and tell me that if I let them go it would be even worse. I kept them secret, told lies to myself and to others that everything was fine..everything was ok. But I couldn’t see the damage the moth was causing. After this enlightening therapy session I wanted to sculpt how I interpreted letting go of guilt.
This moth eaten woman is kneeling with her hands open, offering up her pain so that healing can begin. Her skin in grey and dead, her hair is white, but one by one as the moths leave her skin comes back to life and her golden hair reclaims its luster. She is at peace. She is at peace even though she is far from being healed completely. She has faith that God will hold her sorrow and count her tears, she doesn’t need to carry them anymore.
When I laid the sculpture on its back to bake it in the oven I was offered a new perspective, all of a sudden she was in the fetal position. This struck me because “letting go” is so much easier if you have faith like a child . The fetal position is the first posture we assume in this life, and so going back to it seems appropriate when we need to reconnect to the basics.
I have to remind myself of this every now and then when I’m harboring guilt because I said the wrong thing, made a mistake, hurt someones feelings…the list can go on. But this is folly. Even the ancient Egyptians knew that a heart weighed down with burdens is not fit for the afterlife. Anubis, the god of the afterlife would weigh the hearts of the dead against a feather. If the heart was as light as the feather they could enter the afterlife. How heavy is your heart?